I Play Video Games to Feel Like an Adult

Turns out running a fake farm is surprisingly satisfying.

I grew up with pretty much no access to video games, mostly because they reminded me of sports, which reminded me of PE, which reminded me of how much I hate running. Obviously.

But in the last two years, my circle of friends and lovers grew to include quite a few *~GaMeRz~*. They talked about video games the way I talk about my favorite books - the story, the characters, the beeeauuuutyyyy!

Color me intrigued.

So, I bought a cute bb Nintendo Switch, opting for the Animal Crossing edition because its controllers were pastel blue and green instead of neon red. “Who the heck are these guys?” I asked, pointing out the two cartoon raccoons on the charger. “Th—th—that’s Timmy and Tommy,” my friend sputtered at my blasphemy.

Timmy and Tommy, aforementioned beloved raccoons.

Within a month of trying my hand at Animal Crossing, I understood my grave error. Timmy and Tommy are national treasures and shrewd businessmen in the world of the game. They are adorable pipsqueak shop owners who strike out on their own after years of servitude to their overlord of an uncle, Tom Nook. And they are most certainly NOT raccoons. They are tanuki.

See:

Japan Trail Cam @japantrailcam

🔍 Spot the differences between a raccoon and a tanuki 👀 Look between the eyes. Raccoons have a dark band that appears to go right the way across their face. (1/3)

How could I have made such an embarrassing mistake?! Needless to say, since my foray into the gaming world, I’ve learned a lot.

Playing Animal Crossing I discovered something else very important: I love chores. Not in real life, unfortunately, but as a small cartoon character I control with four buttons and a joystick … love ‘em!

I played a game called Stardew Valley where, among other things, you run a wee farm near a small town, and eventually you can raise cows, chickens, and ostriches (duh). Every “morning,” I’d make my farm rounds, pulling turnips, cleaning weeds, and giving each animal a kiss. A little heart bubble popped up next to the animals and they’d moo or chirp with thanks. The reward for the daily smooches was higher quality milk and eggs, which is something I started to really care about the longer I played the game.

There are so few times in life when you get back exactly what you put in.

There was one week (in real life) where I made an appointment at the bank to discuss my credit score and other generally horrible money things of that nature. I dressed up like a real adult woman in a sundress I’d wear if I was a (put together) 2nd grade teacher. I arrived on time, I answered all the questions the guy in the suit asked me. I’ll be honest, I even read his birth chart while he clicked through my bank account on his special bank computer. I spent three hours at the bank that day, and by the time the appointment ended, I was so ravenously hungry for lunch I was actually nauseated.

The bank guy clicked his mouse loudly for a final time and basically said, “There’s nothing we can do to make your financial situation better.”

Woof.

Back in my game life, I downloaded an iPad game called Sneaky Sasquatch, a delightfully mundane adventure headed by - you guessed it - a Sasquatch (who does indeed sneak). In order to save his beloved camp ground from being bulldozed by a greedy millionaire, Sasquatch needs to find ways to infiltrate the human world by wearing pants, playing golf, and, in one fairly ridiculous mission, apply for a job and work his way up the corporate ladder. It’s the only way he can befriend the greedy millionaire and foil the plans to demolish the campground, okay?!

Using my gamer skills, I nailed my job interview (in the game world), and went to HR to fill out paperwork (still in the game world). The representative told me I needed a bank account to work at the company, so I (a Sasquatch) walked to the bank. I was informed I couldn’t be helped unless I had an appointment, so I explored the game in an effort to find the bank’s phone number. Once I procured it, I called the bank and made an appointment for the next “day.” Then, I went to sleep (IN THE GAME), got up early, and got to the bank early for my appointment, where I was immediately given a bank account, no questions asked.

Please remember I was doing this for fun.

And satisfaction! In my real life, even showing up to a bank appointment and doing everything right got me nowhere. In game life, I got a bank account and a promotion in the same day.

I know what I’m feeling is a false sense of accomplishment; my fictional farm animals and co-workers in the company mailroom can’t do anything to help my real life problems, but at least they give me a harmless hit of dopamine.

Maybe I can apply the gamification of chores to my own life … if I ever get up from my couch.

P.S. Thank you so so much to everyone who’s subscribed. I appreciate your support more than I can say. Sending you lots of love!!